Fear and control

Fear And Control – How Fear Makes You Become Controlling


Control is rooted in fear. Our desire to control things and people comes from wanting to know the outcome of a certain situation. We think that if we can control people and circumstances, then we can control the outcome. Fear and control go hand in hand.

Uncertainty brings anxiety to many people.

The unknown seems fearful. Because of fear, many people like to remain in their comfort zones where they feel as if they are in control. Many people do not venture out because of fear, and because of that, they remain stagnant in life and do not get to achieve their full potential.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34.

It is easy to hold on to what we know. What we know gives us a sense of security and certainty.

What we know seems less threatening than venturing out into the unknown. When something arises that threatens to disturb the calm of the comfort zone, many people fight back in an effort to restore the status quo. If they cannot retain the status quo, they start fighting to try and control the outcome of the new circumstances or people that are coming their way.

Trying to control does not come from a place of strength, it comes from fear and is usually a sign of weakness, even if we do not admit those weaknesses to ourselves.

There are many people who do not know how to be alone. They seem to look outside of themselves most times to get validation and attention from other people.

When they are alone, they have to face their own thoughts, and because they are afraid of that, they would rather go out there and look for someone or something that will keep them occupied.

There are many people who get into friendships and relationships out of fear of being alone. When such enter into relationships, they eventually try to control the other person because of their fears and insecurities. Many people try to run away from themselves and indulge in unhealthy relationships and habits. This usually happens because they are not rooted in Christ.

The next time you try to control another person or the outcome of a certain situation, first ask yourself what it is about yourself that you are trying to run away from. Many people have unaddressed traumas, hurts, wounds, and many emotional issues. Instead of taking the time to look inward and work on themselves and look up to God for healing, many people eventually try to project their internal issues onto those around them.

If we do not take the time and really work on ourselves from the inside out, then the same patterns will keep recurring in our lives, and we will keep wondering why we do not seem to be progressing forward.

What we may be dealing with or struggling with does not just disappear because we wished it away, we have to be very intentional about change. With God’s help, change is possible. There is no wound that is too deep that God cannot heal, there is no situation that is too hard that God cannot change, and there is no person that is too damaged that God cannot heal and restore.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17.

God has not given us a spirit of fear. God is in control of everything. Fear can be very paralyzing and has kept many people in bondage. Do not fear the unknown, do not fear making a step forward, do not accept to remain in your comfort zone; venture out and possess what God has in store for you.

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Luke 10:19.

We may not know what the future holds, but we are sure Who holds the future. It is God who holds our future, and because of that, we rest in Him knowing that we are safe and secure, and that He has good plans for us.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11.

The reason we try to gain control when we feel fearful is to get a sense of security or certainty.

When things and people work out or do as we expect, then we feel safe. However, that is not how life works. We are not the ones in control, God is. We can control ourselves and how we respond to people and circumstances, but at the same time, we leave the rest to God.

Let God be your safe place and your security. When fear and anxiety try to creep in, take those fears and worries unto God and allow the peace of God to guard your heart in Christ Jesus.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7.

Do not allow fear of whatever situation you are going through or fear of the future to rob you of your joy. Fix your eyes on Jesus Christ. Work on the heart issues that have been pulling you back; this is possible by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Allow God to search your heart and heal you of the deepest wounds that have been keeping you captive.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts. And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24.

Insecurities, fear of rejection, past hurts, people’s words and actions against us, negative body image, our upbringing and experiences growing up, and many such things get deeply ingrained in our hearts. If we do not face those things, eventually they burst out and become evident by the way we live our lives. Such unaddressed issues make people reactive, angry, bitter, controlling, jealous, full of hate and wrath, fearful, needy and codependent, and because of that, they end up sabotaging a person’s life and relationships.

Do not confuse control with love; control comes from a place of fear while true love is rooted in God. If you have deep inner struggles, take them to God and allow Him to heal you.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3.

Let go of fear and choose to believe what God says about you, about what you are going through, about life in general, and about Himself. Face your fears and allow God to heal you and fill the voids within you. Let your identity be in God. Be rooted in Christ Jesus and be led by the Spirit of God. In God, there is no fear.

You do not need to know what the future holds but because you know Who holds the future, you can remain peaceful and feel safe and secure. Even when things do not turn out the way you had expected, continue trusting God and believing that He knows what is best for you. Believe that no matter what, all things work out together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.


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Fear and control
Fear and control

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