Dealing with death of a loved one

Death Of A Loved One – How To Cope With Grief And Loss


The death of a loved one is one of the most devastating things to go through. No one really prepares us for such moments. Such times are extremely devastating. It is shocking and confusing, to say the least. We are left in confusion, not knowing what to do. The death of a loved one turns our world around. We are left with a million unanswered questions. We ask why? Why did it happen? Why them? Why so soon? Even when they are of age, it is still difficult to come to terms with it. It is really a confusing and shocking season. It is hard to believe. One time they are here, the next moment they are gone.

Grief is an overwhelming experience, one that many of us go through and will go through at some point in this lifetime.

Grief is different for everyone. We all process things in a different way. There are those who want to talk about it and those who do not want to talk about it. There are those who become angry and bitter. There are those who turn inward and those who turn outward. There are those who turn to people or turn to addictions. There are those who reach a point of acceptance with time and those who do not. There are those who blame others. There are those who really never overcome it. It is such a personal experience, and as such the way people deal with it is very diverse. There are those who seclude themselves, and unfortunately, there are those who blame and reject God. It is really a painful experience and a very personal one.

When a loved one sleeps in death, we are left with a deep void. We were used to seeing them, then, they are no more. What is a person to do with that huge void? How is a person to cope with mixed emotions? No one prepares us. We are left with indescribable pain, indescribable sorrow, indescribable confusion, indescribable shock, indescribable grief, indescribable void within. No one really can fill that void apart from God. We need God every moment of every day, yet, during those times, we need Him most. We need Him to help us remain grounded and not lose ourselves. We need Him to help us go through it.

God is indeed close to the broken-hearted and those crushed in spirit.

With grief, we have a deep cry from the heart, painful tears; the kind of tears only God can wipe away. It is deep pain from within, so deep it is indescribable. The death of a loved one is so overwhelming. It seems to go against nature for a person to die. When God created man, His plan was for us to live in perfect harmony with Him. He did not create man to die. He created us to live. However, man sinned. Man’s sin meant the perfect harmony was broken. Thus God, out of mercy and love, limited the number of our days on the earth; He did not want us to live forever in a broken sinful state.

And the Lord God said, ‘The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever. Genesis 3:21.

God banished man from the garden of Eden. You see, if man ate the fruit of life, he would have lived forever in a broken state. Only the body dies, the spirit does not because it is eternal, and at the resurrection, we will be given perfect immortal bodies. Those who love God will live with Him for eternity.

In the fallen state, the heart of man is capable of much evil. We see it all around us today. Because of the wickedness of man, his days were limited.

Then the Lord said, ‘My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, because he also is flesh; nevertheless his days shall be one hundred and twenty years. Genesis 6:3.

Imagine living in our fallen aging sinful bodies forever! Therefore, because of sin, God put a limit to the number of days on earth. God loves us so much. He came up with a plan. The new covenant! God loved the world so much that He gave His only begotten Son Jesus to die for our sins so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. God loves us, and everything He does is for our good. The death and resurrection of Christ restored our relationship with God. When we accept Christ, with die with Him, and our sins are forgiven, and then, we rise with Him and live a new life by faith. God then gives us His Spirit to dwell in us, and teach us the truths of His Kingdom. That is God’s love. 

Losing a loved one is difficult. Some leave without having a chance to say goodbye, some leave after long illnesses. Some leave while still babies, some in their youth, some as young adults, some in their old age. In every case, it still hurts. In every case, we grieve. It does not make it easier because they said goodbye, though that helps in the healing process. It does not make it any easier when they left suddenly, that, most of the time, makes it extremely difficult for those left. It does not make it any easier because they left while still babies. Love is love, and grief shows the magnitude with which we love them. We love them regardless of the stage of life they reached, and being separated from them is extremely difficult. And when they are no more, we have to adjust to a new normal. They are forever in our hearts no matter how many years have passed.

May God help us all. One thing we should never do is reject God. We need Him. He knows everything. May God help us never to get stuck in grief to the extent that we fail to go ahead in life. The enemy wants us to get stuck, he wants us to live in regret, he wants us to live in shame and condemnation. The enemy wants us to blame ourselves, he wants us to become bitter at those we think were responsible and at ourselves, he wants us to live wishing we did better. He wants us to live in ‘if only’. If only we did this, if only we did not do that, if only we said this, if only we did not say that.

Guilt, shame, condemnation, prolonged unhealthy grief all come from the enemy. We break every stronghold by the blood of Jesus. Eventually, we should pray that we reach the point of acceptance; we acknowledge they are no longer here with us, we acknowledge we failed if we failed, we acknowledge others failed if they did, we acknowledge we did all we could. We pray for God to forgive us for the moments we failed, we pray for God to forgive those who wronged us and for their failures, we pray for God to strengthen us. Acceptance does not mean we do not love them, on the contrary, it means we love them so much and release them to God. God is the One who gives. Be still and know that God is God. Let go and let God take over.

God is our healer. Letting go and letting God take over unburdens us. Letting go is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and for our loved ones. It sets us free; free from chains. Holding on too much can endanger our health. We start becoming unstable, we start manifesting physical illnesses, we seclude ourselves, we may even live in bitterness and unforgiveness. We thank God for He knows everything. He knows what we are going through, He knows what happened, He knows what will happen.

The Bible tells us to make our requests known to God with thanksgiving in our hearts. We thank God for the gift of our loved ones, we thank Him for the time we had with them, we pray for forgiveness both for ourselves and others, we pray for peace in our hearts. We may not understand why but God does. When we get to heaven, He will answer the questions we have within us. Everything, everything, works together for good to those who love God.

When our loved ones die in Christ, we have the assurance of seeing them again in heaven. We cannot change the past, but we can live for God and use our gifts and lessons to help those around us. And the most important of all, we are to prepare our souls for eternity. Our lives are to be lived for God. The Bible tells us to ask God to help us number our days, so that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Those who have gone to be with the Lord will not come back to us, but, we will go to them. We will see them again. In Christ, we have hope, and that hope keeps us going; a hope that can only be found in God. We should keep our hearts ready at every moment of every day.

A heart of wisdom knows that our days are numbered and thus we should make the best use of our time. Every moment counts. 

God loves us. He is ever-present. He knows us by name. We are His children. He loves us with everlasting love. He gave up His Son to die for us, and thus He knows what we are going through. His Son Jesus died and rose again. There is nothing hidden from God. We live by faith and not by sight.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. For at just the right time, while we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Romans 5:1-6.

We have been justified by Christ’s blood and we are saved from wrath through Him. Nothing, not even death, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who are without hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, we also believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14.

Hope keeps us going.


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Coping with death of a loved one
To live is Christ, to die is gain

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